Twelve columns, cutting twenty eight names to three

Twelve columns over three measures: hair, figure and age band. This is not a separate roster. It is the desk stacked a different way, so a name falls into whichever columns her own measured facts put her in and into none that they do not. Three columns per woman is usual and four is common. Nothing here moves a figure. The first hour costs £250 from every column, and rates prints the same ladder whichever one you arrived through.

It exists because twenty eight portraits is too many to decide between on a phone and three is not. If you already know roughly what you are after, one column does most of the work in about a minute.

The Ledger

Twelve columns in the ledger

Line 01hairBlondesFour blondes on the board and no two of them the same shade. Cindy is the lightest, long and wavy, tied back when the wind comes off the dock. Nancy is golden, Nora honey and Thea caramel. Their...4 on this line Line 02hairBrunettesFifteen of the twenty eight, which makes this the longest column here and the least useful on its own. Brown covers an enormous amount of ground: light brown with the ends lifted by sun, chestnut,...15 on this line Line 03hairRaven hairedSix women with long black hair, and the column stands taller than it looks: four of the six are 172 cm or more and one of those is 178 cm. Sleek and straight in most cases, long in all of them. It...6 on this line Line 04hairAuburn and redThree of twenty eight, which makes this the shortest column here and the one that fills up fastest. Lea is auburn worn wavy. Luna is dark auburn red, the strongest colour on the board. Patricia is...3 on this line Line 05silhouettePetiteSeven of the twenty eight, and the column where the measurements matter most, so they are printed against every name rather than left to a photograph. Heights here run from 158 cm to 169 cm. Six...7 on this line Line 06silhouetteStatuesqueNine of the twenty eight stand at 172 cm or above, and the tallest is 178 cm before anybody puts a heel on. Heights here were measured when each of them first met this desk, with the shoes off, so...9 on this line Line 07silhouetteCurvaceousTen women, ranging from 160 cm to 175 cm, which is most of the height of the board inside a single figure column. Sorting them by centimetres would tell you nothing useful, so this page sorts them...10 on this line Line 08silhouetteSlim and slenderTen of the twenty eight, running from 178 cm down to 163 cm, which is a wider spread than the word usually suggests. They are listed here tallest first, because in this column height is the thing...10 on this line Line 09silhouetteToned and athleticFive of the twenty eight, and the column with the most in common. All five train early and none of them treats it as a talking point. Swim squads, open water, the tideway at six, running in...5 on this line Line 10ageEarly twentiesTen of the twenty eight are twenty two, twenty three or twenty four. Every age on this page came off the identity document she showed this desk in person, not from a form she filled in, and every...10 on this line Line 11ageLate twentiesHalf the board sits in this band, which is why it is the column most bookings come out of. Fourteen women between twenty five and twenty nine, grouped by year below. Every age here was taken from...14 on this line Line 12ageThirties and beyondThe shortest age band here and, by a distance, the calmest. Four women between thirty and thirty two: Nancy, Violetta, Margo and Sonya. Between them they take the longest bookings on this site,...4 on this line

The three measures, and what each is worth

Hair gives four columns: blondes, brunettes, raven haired and auburn. Figure gives five: petite, slim and slender, toned, curvaceous and statuesque. Age gives three: early twenties, late twenties and thirties.

Colouring is corrected in the week she changes it. Every height was taken in centimetres, in this office, with the shoes off, so the number printed beside a name is the number you will be standing next to. Age comes off the document she brought to that same meeting. Everybody listed anywhere in this ledger is an adult.

What this ledger refuses to sort by

Nationality and ethnicity, to begin with, and then everything that falls outside time and companionship. No such column is here and none is coming. Twelve pages of measured facts already take twenty eight names down to three or four, which is as far as a sorting tool ought to be asked to carry anybody.

How to get from twelve to three

By colouring, if you already know the answer: brunettes is the longest column at fifteen and auburn the shortest at three. By frame, if the evening has a shape to it: statuesque for a black tie table, petite for a long sit in a small room. By stage of life, if what you want is a register rather than a look, in which case thirties holds the four least hurried women on the board.

Or skip the browsing. Tell Maude the hotel, the hour and the kind of evening, and two or three names come back inside fifteen minutes instead. The ten formats an evening can take are on after hours, and the order of events from first message to arrival is on booking.

One message is enough

Send the room and the hour

Write the district, the time and the length of the booking. The desk answers with a name and an arrival window, and the evening is set.

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